dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
