i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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