ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
