I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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