This dress was meant to end up on your floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
