so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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