I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
