Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
