benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
