u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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