it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
