the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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