i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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