JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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