i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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