this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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