im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
