i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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