Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
