I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
