I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
