Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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