so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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