You made me cry and you don't even care
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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