WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
