We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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