There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
