i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
