Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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