I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
