using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
