PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
