I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
