U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
