We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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