i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Still dying that you shit outside
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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