im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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