I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think people are normalizing furries
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
