I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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