I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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