Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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