Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
