all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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