On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
