I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
