Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize