Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize