Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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