He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I touched a dick in church today
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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