she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
time to smoke my breakfast
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
