my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
