so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
