Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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