You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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