just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
