I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
