it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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