I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
