Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
