I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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