I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
