i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
