Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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