I wannas sexs uuuuu
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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