I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
