I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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