i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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