Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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