We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
