she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
