I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
