3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize