Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
