apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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