why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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