He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
