Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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