and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
