never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
