things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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