community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
