You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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