Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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